When you're in elementary school, you start a club. A spy club, or a ninja club, or a boys club or a treehouse club. And in doing so you create your own little world, something you identify with. You and your select group of friends who are in your club suddenly have something that other people don't, and for some reason it's a good feeling. It feels good to tell people that they can't be in your club. It feels good to talk about how stupid people are who aren't in your club. It's feels good to take a young, fragile person who has hopes and fears and insecurities (just like you) and turn them into a caricature - you and your friends call them a dork or a loser and in the process destroy a little piece of their heart...probably in a way very similar to what happened to you when your older brother or sister or friend told you they didn't want you to hang out with them.
We learn when we're extremely little that there are people who are 'in' and people who are not. We learn that if you're not in my group you're probably stupid. In high school we get in fights at the mall or at a party with a group of kids because they go to a different high school than we do - because they committed the travesty of living in different neighborhood we learn to hate them for no apparent reason.
We grow older and hate people because they root for a different basketball team, or because they vote differently than we do, or because their God is different than our God or because their skin tone is lighter or darker or because they speak a different language.
We do it because it feels good to turn people into cartoons. It feels good to feel like you're better or smarter or prettier or faster than others, and the easiest way to do so is to take these complicated, emotional, talented, fragile people and package them up into a singular idea. Once we turn them into cartoons it's easy to hate them.
It's easy to call George Bush an idiot or Bill Clinton evil. It's easy to call the kid downstairs a punk. It's easy to call the guy sitting across from us on the subway a drunk. It's easy to call the beautiful girl on the other side of the bar stupid and easy. It's easy to wave an American flag and dismiss people's complaints as ignorant or unpatriotic. It's easy to shout from a pulpit that the gay guy in the car next to at a traffic light is demon possessed. It's easy to call your Christian coworker an intolerant sheep with no understanding of the real world.
They're not part of our club, so there's something wrong with them.
What's hard is to rip up the membership card.
What's hard is to not get into a stupid argument about whether the Raiders or the Broncos are the better team.
What's hard is to realize that the girl who walked by you on the street with the 'go to hell' stare is probably immensely self-conscious because of magazines telling her how she's supposed to look and talk and interact, that she may have been hurt emotionally or otherwise by a slew of guys who didn't value her as a person.
What's hard is to contemplate the unthinkable tragedies that might have happened in the life of a guy that's reduced him to sitting on a corner without having showered in a week, humiliating himself by having to hold out a three day old paper coffee cup begging you to drop in your spare change.
What's hard is to have a conversation or read an article about protests in France or wherever and ask yourself whether their protests have some serious merit.
What's hard is to acknowledge that every serious political candidate you're seeing on television has lived a pretty extraordinary life, has done a great deal to impact the lives of those around them and holds the ideas they hold (is willing to put themselves on television at our mercy to spread those ideas) because they truly believe that they will help the country in the long run. What's hard is to be willing to admit that the idea that one party is right about every idea while the other party is hopelessly insipid...is pretty insipid.
What's hard is to be aware that there are indeed villians in the world, but they are in much shorter supply than we think. The majority of people we treat as villians are fragile, broken, self-conscious people just like us. And the hard thing is to respond to people, with their scars and blemishes and dissenting ideas and misguided actions....and love them.
We should all consider letting more people into our club.
Forget that - we should all consider getting rid of the club.
Had a great time at NextNY again yesterday, this time visiting the offices of Google. It seemed like it was primarily a recruiting effort on behalf of Google (albeit a smart one - getting 100 of the smartest tech folks....and me....in one room.) But I did learn a bit about Google that I didn't know before.
The thing that struck me the most was their commitment to the company's mission. The stated goal of Google is "to organize the world's information and make it universally accessible and useful." Never have I seen a company so committed to their vision. Every employee talked about this mission, almost ad nauseum. Whatever the project is that they're working on, their top priority is making sure that it remains true to this goal.
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Bill Gates and Warren Buffett are combining their resources in an effort to change the world.
It's easy to say "So what! If I had 41 billion, I'd give away 35 billion too."
Thing is, most of us will never have that much scratch. But many of us, in our lifetimes, will have the opportunity to earn a million dollars or more. And all of us inhabit this world, see injustices in our own circles, still have opportunities to make the world better in our own ways. Will we capitalize on them?
It's true - giving away 70% of our income probably isn't very realistic. Why not start at 10%? Right where you are, why not make a commitment to yourself that your resources - time, money or otherwise - have a much better use than a nicer car, than a tailored suit, than a first class plane ticket? What's stopping you?
How much different would our world be if we all did that? Why not find out?
This is not a Republican or Democrat or Chinese or American or Christian or Muslim or Jewish or Agnostic issue. Try to see this movie and not be absolutely convinced that you have a moral imperative to do something about it, to make a difference in some way in your own life. It really is that important.
I beg you to see this movie.
Seth points out an article today in Media Life Magazine about neophilia, an overwhelming, compulsive love of all things new. Seth rightly points out that this phenomena can easily be found on our coasts and in the tech community, but one would be hard-pressed to find evidence of such an afflicition in, say, Lena, Illionois.
This phenomena and the overall culture of consumerism in America has been wreaking havoc on my conscience of late. As a marketing major in college, I soaked up any book I could find on how to effectively persuade folks to buy. Night after night was spent in bookstores and libraries learning about action words and scarcity and the subliminal effect of guarantees and planned obsolescence.
But in the past few years, my exuberance for the marketing machine has waned considerably. It's not that I don't enjoy new things or nice things. It's not that I don't appreciate being able to instantly discover a dozen different solutions to any problem I may have. It's not that I don't find myself often a victim of neophilia - quite the opposite. But I wonder if all this psychological manipulation in the interest of consumption is going to have a bad impact on our lives in the long run.
I'm concerned because we're learning how to become increasingly fat, lazy people with entitlement complexes. I'm concerned because we live in an increasingly more competitive world with decreasing resources, and we don't know anything about hardship. I'm concerned because while I'm shopping there are hundreds of thousands of men and women in China and India who are patiently training and learning to mop the floor with me in the global economy.
More importantly, I'm worried about how much my identity, our identities are tied up in the things we own. We've moved from "those new ice boxes are fancy" to "It'd be great to have a Camero like that" to "I need a new game system" to "I deserve that Blackberry and the $250 pair of jeans."
We've had a marketing machine around for a few decades, and it has blasted into our brains that our lives are somehow less fun, less meaningful if we don't have the newest and best. We're obsessed. Genetic or not, it has truly become an addiction. We work and live to buy and own.
We always joke about the yokels in the midwest who don't have a clue. When our standard of living changes (which I'm almost certain it will,) I wonder who will look like the smart one - the guy who's happy with his beat up F-150 and his blissful ignorance about Bluetooth and Web 2.0....or me and my New York apartment and Motorola PEBL and Google Calendar and keeping up with the Jones and envy because that guy has a really nice suit and why don't I have one like that because we all know that I'm entitled to it.
- 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes - 5 times the average.
- 85% of all children who show behavior disorders are from fatherless homes - 20 times the average.
- 80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes - 14 times the average.
- 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes - 9 times the average.
- 75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes - 10 times the average.
- 70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes - 9 times the average.
- 85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes - 20 times the average.
Source: The Belmont Foundation
The world needs more noble men. Our women, overworked, underappreciated and underloved, need more noble men. Our children, desperately longing for someone to look up to, someone to admire who isn't pitching them sports drinks or sneakers or nice cars or cheap women need more noble men.
Noble. That's a powerful word. How many of us would be comfortable being characterized as noble? How many guys, if they look into their hearts, into the places no one else sees, would come out on the other side thinking that such a claim is justified?
I know I certainly fail this test. I was blessed with not one but two great fathers who in practically every way far surpass me in the department. I'm often distracted, often waffling, often unwilling to stand up for who I am and what I believe in (at least in the real world, away from the security blanket of a computer screen.)
But I know that I must change. My soon-to-be wife depends on it. My children will one day depend on it. And so will yours.
The world of free love, of pursuing careers before relationships of depth, of insincere vows and drive-through divorce centers - the world of cheap commitments and easy outs has made it easy to be a flake. In the name of "just trying to live one day at a time, trying to do what makes me happy," so many of us men have become spineless. Not about our conquests in the world of business or the basketball court or the nightclub. But in things that matter.
Like having the strength and courage to tell a woman that you love her and only her and meaning it.
Like having the bravery to stick around when money gets tight and stress levels shoot through the roof and babies are crying down the hall.
Like being able to guide a young boy as he grows into a teenager and a young adult, teaching him that honesty, discipline, responsibility and virtue aren't boring, old-world concepts but represent some of the highest aims a man could reach for.
Like having the fortitude to tell a close friend when they're screwing up, loving them enough to hold them accountable so that their lives and the lives of those around them don't represent more ticks in some statmaker's record book.
I got to hear from a lot of amazing people last week, people who've sold their companies for tens of millions of dollars, people who appear to have it all together. I got to watch the Heat battle back against the Mavericks, watching the best of the best battling it out on the court, doing things that my slightly overweight pale butt only wishes it could do.
But in the end, the IPOs and the buyouts and the behind the back passes and the dunks over three guys and the fleet of vintage cars and the swagger and the killer instinct have absolutely nothing to do with what makes you or I a great man. Those are just games, those aren't the arenas that seperate the proverbial men from the boys.
Nobility is forged and earned in our homes, with our families and friends, in our souls that are desperately trying to find something that will make them feel whole. Nobility is acheived when our lives are lived with honor, integrity, honestly, compassion, self-control, faithfulness, love. And all to a greater degree when no one's looking, when the press isn't trying to quote us, when people aren't looking to put us on a pedastal and toast to our greatness.
The men who acheive nobility in this fashion are the men we need to admire, respect and emulate. They are the men who change the world. They are the men who live lives worth talking about.
If you're a father and you feel you fail the test of nobility as I have, I pray that you make this year different - for your sake and the sake of those you love.
If you're not a father, I pray that you think about the kind of man that you are and the kind of man that you wish to become. Forget about the money and the awards and the notches on your belt - think about the kind of man that the world really needs, the kind of man the woman in your life will need, that the little boy or girl and their pliable, fragile life will need. Think about what it would mean for you to be noble.
If you have a father and you haven't told them yet, tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them that their efforts have not gone unnoticed, that their love is felt, that their counsel and guidance is appreciated. Tell them that you admire them more than they'll ever know.
Happy Father's Day.
Someone pointed out to me that I started writing three years ago as of Wednesday. Anniversaries are known to induce feelings of nostalgia, and when coupled with an intense desire to shut out the noise of crowds cheering for another Dwayne Wade three-pointer, anniversaries make you spend 30 minutes going through old server logs. Here then, is the past 36 months of my life in search engine keyphrases:
- seanjohnson
- university of colorado
- franchises funding schools
- personalpositioning
- difficult breakups
- curing narcissism
- matt anarde
- zosima
- my dog ate rat poison
- what does it mean to be pure of heart?
- think like a consultant
- stand-up comedy
- css websites
- moral capitalism
- phase one collect underpants
- living intentionally
- it is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses
- failing company
- why people refuse salesmanship
- sean johnson and seattle
- what is the hourly wage at banana republic?
- how turn down job offer
- las vegas
- how to start a relaxed interesting conversation with a woman whenever you want that will make her excited to continue the chat with you!
- economist
- long distance relationships
- how to market yourself and land a job
- sean johnson new york design
- living with few posessions
- university retention
- god in a tiny whisper
- barcamp
- a wedding for sean johnson
- estes park
- spiritual discipline
- sean johnson chicago
- sean johnson next?
Went to the NextNY roundtable conversation tonight, and had a blast. About 50 people gathered to hear the CEO of Weblogs, Inc, the President of Del.icio.us, and some of the more prominent angel and VC investors in New York. the food and drinks were great, the energy was great, the insight was great.
It's only been a few months since this group got started, but it's already gained a ton of momentum. They have another meeting in a few weeks at Google's New York office, which should be a blast as well. I've met a number of really amazing people in the few meetings I've been able to attend, and I've learned a lot.
If you're new and in New York, or if you're looking to get more involved in the NY tech community...you're probably not reading this, because you've never heard of me. But if you're new in NY or looking to get more invovled and the monkey who you employ to type for you randomly led to you this page, then today is your lucky day. Check out NextNY - I'll see you there.
There's a lot to love about the nature of the web community these days. People working on cool projects, loving what they do, excited to get up each day, truly believing that they have the creativity and passion to change the world in some small way. It's the complete antithesis of so many corporate environments.
But perhaps the most remarkable thing about it is the sense of cooperation. I have never seen anything like it. If you have something you want to do, if you have an inkling of an idea that may have legs, there are dozens of super-intelligent people out there more than willing to help you out. Whether it's offering advice, sharing wisdom from their own journeys or making introductions, it is astonishing how generous these people are.
I'm preparing to move to Chicago, and there's been something I've been thinking about doing for quite a while (inspired by one of the smartest guys I've ever met here in the city.) Yesterday I threw out some feelers to the web community, not really knowing what to expect. The response was swift and overwhelming - people who have enormous responsibilities who have no business wasting their time talking to some idiot whose skill set consists of booger jokes and burning businesses to the ground immediately were offering advice and suggestions, putting me in touch with folks who might be able to help. 24 hours later, I have a much better understanding of what I'd need to do and what I need to think about. And there's absolutely nothing in it for them - they don't know me, they've never heard of me, and anything I could offer they already have (except they're probably better.)
It's at once inspiring and humbling. Imagine if the world operated like this. Imagine what it would be like if everyone were as generous, thoughtful and selfless as these folks are.
What if that were the real lasting impact of this whole Web 2.0 thing?
Simplicity is a difficult thing to come by. We live fragmented, disjointed lives, always running from something, to something. We're trying to get more and more done with less and less time. It's an impossible race that leaves us tired, empty, drained.
We as a society love to prize the man or woman who can do it all. We force thousands of college students out the doors of our universities each year with a diploma and an unwritten mandate to work 80 hours a week to 'make a splash.' We drill it into them that success is exceedingly important, ensuring they do whatever it takes to add a few extra cents to our price per share.
Of course, if they're good we do reward them. But being good all too often means neglecting other aspects of their lives. They marry without understanding the commitment that covenant involves. They have kids thinking that they can realistically maintain their responsibilities both at work and at home. Over time, they're left in a mode of being consistently stretched to their limit. When they're working they're beating themselves up for not being at Jason's soccer game. When they're making brownies they're silently stressed about all the work they're not getting done.
And that's just the work-home dynamic. All the while, they're not exercising enough, not reading enough, not volunteering enough, not talking to their friends or extended family enough.
We long for a simpler life, a life with less stress, more fulfillment. We wish we weren't tired all the time. We wish we didn't feel like we were constantly neglecting some important aspect of our lives. But we haven't the faintest idea how to actually accomplish this.
We tell ourselves that we're just casualties of our society. The world of today places these demands on us, just as it does to everyone else. There's nothing we can do - except do our best to cope.
But what if there was a simpler life to be grasped - what if there was a way to find a more serene, peaceful, balanaced way of life?
What if you could say 'no' to people? What if you could decide beforehand how many commitments and of what variety you would undertake, resolving not to take on anything further? What if you could make a commitment to work on at most five projects or take on five clients, and be able to confidently turn down anything more, even if they were to be spectacularly profitable for your career or business?
What if you could stop desiring to be 'well-known?' What if you were to reject the notion that being more blogged about or technorati'd or whatever represented some measurement of success. What if you didn't care about your online identity nearly as much as you do?
What if you resolved to use plain speech? What if you stopped trying to manipulate people with your words, stopped trying to get people to understand you or see your way? What if you stopped flattering people when you didn't really mean it, racking up a series of small favors in hope of being repaid someday? What if you could only use 1000 words a day, and had to give up the ability to explain yourself? What would your words be? What if you could do this without worry? What if everything that came out of your mouth was full of honesty, sincerity, grace?
What if you could stop desiring more? What if you made a resolution to identify a standard of living you could be comfortable with, a standard you wouldn't rise above even if your means expanded considerably? What if you made the decision that as long as your needs were met, the rest of that money could be given away to people or causes that could benefit dramatically from it?
What if, every month, you went around your house and looked for something that you deemed valuable...and gave it to someone you knew who's life would be blessed by it? What if, instead of cursing aloud to anyone who would listen when that 10 year old stole my iPod in the subway last year, I just gave it to him before he could take it?
What if we approached our financial life as a system of pipes instead of a system of buckets? What if money was an instrument to be freely shared instead of a status symbol to be hoarded?
What if we got rid of our televisions and read more books, visited more museums, took more walks, made more friends? What if we played outside more - when was the last time we actually played?
What if we realized that our kids laugh 20 times more often than we do? What if we tried to be less serious, more joyful?
What if we got closer to the earth? What if we studied the trees and the flowers and the birds and realized that their existence was singular, their purpose clearly defined? What if we realized that maybe our lives are supposed to be similarly ordered?
What if our lives were meant to be focused on one thing, on one Person? What if that person were able to give us everything we needed to have happy, healthy, productive lives? What if that balance we could never seem to find were given to us - if we realized that everything, including ourselves, has a season, a proper time and place? What if we were to submit to those cycles of life, and to determine the proper place for everything by asking this Person who loves us and desires our happiness?
What if simplicity of life weren't something to dream about but something to be grasped? What if less really was more?
