Sean Johnson - Intentionally - The Education of Sean Johnson

Yesterday was the anniversary of my marriage to Michelle. We didn’t do much - partially because we’re saving for a trip to Patagonia and partially because we just wanted to spend the day hanging out together. And, just like pretty much every day of the past year, it was perfect.

Tonight we watched our wedding video, and I was struck by how long ago it seemed. While it was fun to reminisce about the day, I found myself not looking back longingly, thinking of those days as somehow better than today. In fact, I’d say the opposite was true. As great as that day was, and as great as our courtship in New York was, it has nothing on what followed.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll probably continue to say it. I’m a very boring writer these days. I don’t opine on my struggles mainly because my biggest problem is fretting that I have things too good. There are times when I worry that a hole is going to open up in the earth and swallow me - that I’ll be smited in an attempt to bring some sense of equilibrium to the relative blessings between myself and other people.

But that’s the great thing about it - I feel more secure in my happiness than I ever have in my life, and it’s because my happiness no longer comes from what I accomplish. While the majority of my semi-mature life has chosen to pursue acheivement and accomplishment and the respect of my peers, the past few yeas have seen a transformation, one that has only intensified in the last twelve months. In place of those temporary, inanimate, ultimately pointless pursuits, I get the joy of spending every day trying to make this beautiful, intelligent, unbelievably sweet girl happy.

Just about every night during the past six months, my heart has ached with joy. When I’m laying down in the dark, there’s no distraction, no noise, nothing to preoccupy my mind. And in those moments I constantly find myself thinking about how ridiculously lucky I am to have this girl next to me.

This is the greatest gift in the world. To know a woman who with every conversation, every loving interaction, every drop-dead gorgeous dress blows your expectations of perfection out of the water. To find someone like this, who challenges you and makes you grow, makes you want to be better than you ever thought you could be, makes you feel lucky to be alive. To find someone like this, and to have them make the choice to spend their life with you.

I’m a sappy, deliriously happy mess of a man. It makes for terrible writing. But it’s better to live well than write well.