Last week in New York, in a fun-filled night at the Bowery Bar, one of mankind’s biggest unanswered questions was finally solved. The question is of course how one can get a (real) phone number from a waitress.
A little background – in college I had a project to create a business model. I created a book about how to meet women and sold it on the Internet for $50. It wasn’t spectacularly successful, but we sold a number of copies and got a good grade in the class.
The irony was that I was in the midst of a four-year relationship and had no first-hand experience of what I was talking about, but that was okay. The point of the book was to help guys who lack confidence (I had/have a number of friends who fit the bill) meet girls. It wasn’t about how to be a sleazy guy, but how the ‘nice guy’ can successfully compete with the sleazy guy while still being a good person in the process.
Anyway, one of the only unbreakable rules was that you never hit on the waitress. They’re paid to flirt with you, they get approached constantly, and the odds are very much stacked against you. Thousands of clueless, well-meaning guys think that in their case it’s different and take their chances. They’re almost invariably let down. It’s just not a good use of their time.
Until now.
As my colleagues and I were enjoying ourselves, an idea bubbled to the surface. An idea that could actually work was created. We got feedback from a number of the servers at the bar, from our wives and girlfriends, and over the past few weeks have been accumulating additional supporting evidence. All signs point to this being significantly more likely to work than anything we’ve heard of before.
We’re now at Phase Three before we officially release it - the human trial. Sadly, my core group of friends these days are all spoken for and none of us are able to actually try this. So we need your help. If you’re a single guy and you’re up for it, I’d like you to do the following:
- Go out to dinner this weekend with your friends. Our feedback from waitresses suggests that the later you do this, the better. You want to avoid her busy times and ideally try the following shortly before she’s done with her shift.
- If you get a waitress that you think it attractive, nice, witty, etc. and you think you’d enjoy hanging out with her, try to get her to warm to you. The key is to be friendly but not slimy. Don’t flirt with her, just be nice, crack a joke here and there, etc.
- Near the end of your meal, after you order desert, say the following: “Listen Carrie, can I ask you a question? I want to tell you that I’m not going to hit on you. You and I both know that you get hit on all the time, and it’s a big waste of my time. But you do seem like a great girl, and I’d like to see you under some other circumstances where I could hit on you. How would you recommend I do that?”
- Report back with your findings.
From what we’ve heard from waitresses, female colleagues and our significant others, we strongly believe that this has a great chance of working. We’re not anticipating a 100% success rate, but I want to hear what happens either way. If she has a boyfriend and tells you so, let us know so we can factor that into the results. Also tell us if you’re a) a slob with a body odor problem, b) wearing your Dungeons & Dragons shirt with the huge mustard stain on it, or c) with your mother when you ask. These will all skew the results.
Also, only call her Carrie if that’s actually her name.
About Sean Johnson
Sean is a Chicago-based entrepreneur and product development executive, currently working as a partner at Digital Intent. He founded Jelly Chicago, designs, writes, and spends time with his beautiful wife and baby boy.
