Sean Johnson - Intentionally - The Education of Sean Johnson

It’s been nearly three years since I started writing. It’s amazing what a person learns…

I learned for the first time what mourning meant when I lost someone very close to my heart - my childhood beagle, Lucy. I learned that though they may not have complex brains…or skills marketable in the professional workplace…or refined table manners…or enough self awareness to recognize that because of their vocal cords being snipped and resulting scar tissue they have to exert a significant amount of effort to bark which leads to the unfortunate side effect of noise exiting both ends of their body…in spite of these deficiencies dogs have been given the gift to create happiness and joy in way few people can match.

I learned that people’s natural tendency is to seek safety instead of freedom. I learned that when you attempt to pursue the proverbial path less travelled, you will awaken a sea of thoughts and ideas that, as far as you were aware, previously did not exist in the minds of your friends and loved ones. While some will be genuinely supportive, a great many will do anything they can to pull you back into the box labeled ‘comfort.’ They’ll tell you that you don’t know enough, that you need to experience the world before attempting to be its master, that you need to thing about your future and not chase a pipe dream. They’ll tell you your young, naive, foolish, fickle and stubborn.

I learned that if the person they are making these remarks to grew up in a white house with blue trim on Savannah Way and has red hair, they’re probably right.

I learned what it means to put four years of your life into a relationship, ignoring a monumental rift that both parties know exists, being forced to acquire progressively larger rugs with which to sweep said rift under. I learned that, in spite of my wish that it weren’t the case, love truly is not enough.

I learned that unless I had been given the opportunity to experience the pain of resignation and go through the act of giving up on something I had convinced myself for so long could work out differently - if I had instead told myself that life is short and spent my ‘wilder’ years moving from party to party and girl to girl - I would have likely looked back at the years that have passed between then and now and know dramatically less about myself, dramatically less about the world, and dramatically less about what my views are on the world and my place in it. I learned to move beyond anger, frustration, sadness and to embrace those years (and particularly the last few, terrible months) as the catalyst for waking up my heart and spirit.

I learned that I am loved by someone - not in the conditional, ‘as long as you fulfill my expectations of what love are like’ kind of way, not in a way that results in the kind of letdown that is inevitable when being loved by someone with weaknesses and feelings and problems and atoms made of carbon, but in a way that never fades, never ceases, and never lets my enormous iniquity get to them. I learned that even though I am very often stubborn, prideful, greedy, lustful, inconsiderate and foolish, I’m still loved with an intensity that demands my attention.

I learned that maintaining that attention is simultanously the most frustrating and rewarding endeavor one could possibly hope to pursue.

I learned that if you start a business, it’s helpful to have at least one of the following: a solid business model, a commitement to sales, control over your personal and professional finances, a team of sure-footed, exceptionally talented co-conspiritors, resolve when things get tough, at least a small amount of working capital, common sense, something resembling a plan of action.

I learned that if you lack all of these things, and you grew up in a white house with blue trim on Savannah Way and have red hair, you will sooner run away from the problem rather than face it head on. And I learned that, strangely enough, running away from the problem in this case was most likely the best possible thing you could have done.

I learned that Seattle is an amazing city, full of energetic, interesting people who are at once both driven and laid back. I learned that these people are friendly, thoughtful and full of life. I learned this as I served them seafood and brought them refills of soda.

I learned that, though one feels like a failure, feels like their classmates and friends are experiencing fantastic success while one tries to scrape enough money together to pay their car payment and keep their dwindling business alive, that failure truly is just a step on the road to success. After six months as a failed entrepreneur and waiter, I learned that though I had grown up in a house with a single mother who worked tirelessly to make sure my brother and I were clothed and fed, I still had far too little humility and gratitude for the gifts I’ve been given. I learned that my life is amazing, that I have friends who are far to generous and patient and loving, that I have a long life ahead of me.

I learned that if you go to Vegas with my group of friends and one of you meets a girl there, you will end up marrying her. She will probably be from Chicago.

Two years after attempting to corner the market on irony and publish a book on getting a job whilst never pursuing a job oneselft, I learned that the ideas I brainstormed with my old marketing friends were indeed accurate. I learned that if you have a strong image backed up by stellar work and a network of people who rave about you, you can confidently fly accross the country for one job interview.

I learned that the working world is no different than entrepreneurship, which is really no different than college, which isn’t different than high school. There are traits that every employee, business owner or student possesses that determine in large part whether or not they will be successful. I learned that people who always try to do amazing work, who actively work at cultivating relationships, who truly want to see their venture succeed, who are hard-working and honest and flexible will have significantly greater odds at realizing their goal.

I realized that some goals are infinitely more valuable pursuits than others.

I learned that even in a metropolitan area of 22 million people, I can still accomplish the things I set out to accomplish, realize the dreams I have for myself and become the man I wish to become. But I learned that I do have limits, and that spending a prolonged amount of time going well beyond those limits leads to a very unbalanced life.

I learned that there are people out there who possess every strength that I have with none of the weaknesses. I learned that people like this will enchant me with every move they make and every thought that comes from their mouth. I learned that people like this have economics degrees and national dance championship trophies and twin sisters.

Three years…a lot has happened. My stepdad once told me that you can divide life into three year increments, and in those three year increments you can accomplish a great deal. Even with the various pitfalls, I realize that I’ve been able to accomplish quite a bit. I learned a ton about business, design, entrepreneurship, creativity, managing people and myself, getting things done. I lived all over the country and visited nearly every state in the union. I fell in love, got engaged, and look forward to a life full of excitement and joy as a result.

But far too much of my life has been devoted to work. My life lacks a sense of balance, perspective. My days are given to craft and little else, and that’s something that must change. I’m about to become a husband, someday I’ll probably become a father. And very little in the past three years has prepared me for either. I have a long way to go in becoming the kind of person I want to become, for my fiance, my friends, my parents, my brother, my colleagues.

A three year cycle is coming to an end, and in it I was able to develop myself into a great worker. This cycle, I’m hoping I can come a little closer to becoming a great man.