Sean Johnson - Intentionally - The Education of Sean Johnson

I saw Capote last night. Pretty disturbing film.

It made me think back to when I was doing my best writing, my most vigorous thinking. It was at a time in my life when I was most unhappy. My business was struggling, my relationship of 4 years had come to an end…it was a pretty unhappy time. But man, was it productive.

It was so easy to write with conviction and feeling, because my day was spent dealing with a myriad of emotions. I was a wreck, constantly thinking about this thing or that, constantly feeling sorry for myself, and the words flew out of me like a broken dam.

These days, I find it difficult to write with the same energy, the same emotion. And I think it’s because my life is amazingly good right now - the best it’s ever been. The most amazing woman I’ve ever met is in Chicago picking out a dress that she’s going to wear one time, at a fancy dinner in September with all our friends. I have a great job doing work I enjoy with colleagues who are young and talented and fun to be around, and I have the utmost confidence that whatever comes next will be even better. I have enough money to pay my bills, save, and still eat fantastic food most nights of the week. I have a small but fantastic circle of friends, a loving family. I’m a bit heavier than I’d like, but all in all I’m in good heath. Life is good.

Unfortunately, none of that makes great material. At best it’s boring, at worst it makes people angry that someone could have things so well.

I’m beginning to wonder if people like Capote were great artists because they were screwed up, or if they became screwed up because they wanted to be great artists. I wonder if people intentionally make their relationships difficult because it makes for better stories at the bar or in their blog. I wonder if people sabatoge their lives in the interest of maintaining that dry, sarcastic, glass-is-half-empty wit that has served them so well around the water cooler and at dinner parties and on first dates.

Stop trying to be interesting and try being truly happy. I promise you’ll like it - even if you’re writing suffers as a result.