There’s a reason why so many people are so lonely in New York (and everywhere else.) And I think it has a lot to do with desire.

People are lonely because they desire to be loved. They spend their days working as hard as they can so that they can receive the admiration and respect of their colleagues. They take the money they receive from all this hard work and spring for $200 pairs of jeans and $35 containers of hair goo. They take their dates out to expensive restaurants and plays and exclusive parties so they can demonstrate how much fun they are.

They are shocked to find that it doesn’t work. It’s not that they’re shallow – deep down, I believe these people think about many of the same things, have many of the same unanswered questions that I do. It’s that they feel as though that’s not what others are interested in.

We’re looking to find our soulmates, but are hiding our souls.

I’m an egoist to the extreme, but I think there’s a reason why my relationship has been as amazing as it is. It’s because we both made a concerted effort from the very beginning to have no walls. I told her about my hopes, fears, insecurities. She let me into the wounds she’s received way before it was logical or reasonable to. She knows everything about me, and it’s okay.

How does something like that happen? How do some relationships blossom while others flounder?

Maybe letting people in is part of it. Whether it works out famously or whether you fall on your face – at least you know. And saying that “you’re not prepared for it,” or “you’ve been hurt before so you’re protecting yourself?”

Bullshit. I’ve met people who’ve gone through worse than you, and they’ve realized that they still have a choice. With this next one, do I pursue it with reckless abandonm, or do I keep myself guarded? Do I live life like I only have one shot at it, and manifest this belief not by sleeping with as many people as possible in the name of ‘experiencing life’ but rather by pouring your heart and soul into the lives of others and reaping the benefits of them doing the same?

There is so much unhappiness in the world – even in America, the richest country in the history of mankind. We’re miserable! And maybe a big part of that is our belief that we need to protect ourselves, need to above all preserve our self-interests before thinking about the interests of others. Thinking that he or she can be happy too, but only if we’re happy first.

Maybe it’s time we give of ourselves. Let people in. Show them our hopes and fears and dreams and nightmares and goals and vices and scars that we think make us unlovable. And be utterly amazed when someone else is willing to do the same. And enjoy the experience of discovering each other – not in a superficial “she let me discover her, alright” kind of way, but in a way that says “I know everything there is to know about this person, and I love her more because of it.”

Or we can go buy another pair of jeans.