Sean Johnson - Intentionally - The Education of Sean Johnson

There is no defense for the unguarded moment.

I’ve long believed that we decieve ourselves when we call ourselves good. We all like to believe that there is immense evil in this world, that terrible things are done by terrible people. We throw Saddam into that list, perhaps the President, and often our boss or coworkers.

But we never think we’re evil ourselves. We cringe at the word. Of course we’re not evil - we’re good people deep down. And that time we yelled at our spouse or in frustration told our friend something we regretted or made a decision at work that was less than ethical….well, nobody’s perfect.

But what if it’s the other way around? What if these vices and issues and “slip-ups” that we all know too well about represent more than we think? I think that, rather than being the exception to the rule, what we do in moments of stress or frustration, when our guard is down, are the most telling demonstrations of our character.

And right now, I know I don’t measure up. If I’m truly honest with myself, the fact is that much of the time, doing the honest, humble, generous thing is the most difficult thing in the world. And it is such because that’s not a part of my natural character - it’s a struggle.

That’s why I need God in my life - because no matter how hard I try to “play Christian,” no matter how much effort I put towards putting on a good show, there is simply no defense for the unguarded moment or that slip of the tongue. And what comes out during those times is, to a very large extent, who I am.

I need to be changed, need God to work in me and bring about the transformation that I could never bring about myself. It’s an inside job, a work of the heart.

It seems like the hardest thing in the world, but it also brings with it a certain amount of release. Because once I know, truly know that I can’t do it myself and am forced to rely on God to do it for me, there will be a certain amount of rest. And with discipline, patience, and a willingness to pick myself back up again time after time after time, there will come a day when I’ll no longer have to try to be humble and patient and kind and generous.

Because I will be humble and patient and kind and generous.