If you do, please don’t do it in public. Sure, you can talk about the presents and the good cheer and all of that, but please don’t mention anything about God.
Don’t include any Christmas carols in the school play, because I find it deeply offensive. Joy to the world, the Lord is come? Come on, don’t we have any decency in this country anymore? I don’t want to hear this filth!
Please don’t show anything religious on television. I want to see It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, mabye even Home Alone. But absolutely nothing about Jesus.
Don’t wear anything of a Christian nature around school. I believe in separation of church and state, just like that school district in New York. And I don’t care if they allow Islam and Jewish imagery and symbolism, but not Christian. No, I don’t think that’s even remotely hypocritical.
And please, please, please get rid of all those nativity scenes. There’s nothing like a baby sitting in a manger to get my blood boiling. That’s really what’s wrong with the world today – all those damn nativity scenes.
If you don’t do what I say, I’m going to send the ACLU after you. The ACLU knows what an outrage it is that you have the audacity to talk to me about the “true meaning of Christmas.” And they’re going to serve you your papers to appear in court, just as soon as they wrap up their current case – they’re trying to help NAMBLA (The North American Man-Boy Love Association) throw out a case involving the rape of a 10 year old boy. Good thing we have people like the ACLU to keep you from forcing your religious beliefs down my throat.
So please, keep your religion inside your house. Actually, that’s not good enough either – you have windows, and I might see you praying or something while walking by. That would be very offensive to me. Why don’t you build a bomb shelter and do it in there?
Whatever you do, stay away from me. I want to celebrate Christmas, and can’t be bothered with you and your Christ.
